


Last Christmas

by RoseCathy



Category: Red Dwarf
Genre: Christmas, Correspondence, Ficlet, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-25
Updated: 2017-12-25
Packaged: 2019-02-20 05:01:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 344
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13139601
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RoseCathy/pseuds/RoseCathy
Summary: Three Christmases on Red Dwarf in messages.





	Last Christmas

**Author's Note:**

> Special thanks to [cazflibs](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cazflibs/pseuds/cazflibs) for alerting me to the existence of a messaging system on the ship! :)

**I. Last Christmas**

Dave,

Merry Christmas. It’s been an interesting three months, and I’m looking forward to many more.

Frank x

 

Frank,

When you come back from breakfast tomorrow (yeah, I know it’ll be Boxing Day, couldn’t manage otherwise), look under the tree. xx

Dave

 

Official Complaint  
Made by: Second Technician Rimmer, Arnold J

Sir,

I was scandalised to discover a Polaroid photograph of Third Technician Lister, D, clad in nothing but strategically placed strands of tinsel. My interrogation of said Third Technician revealed that the photograph was taken in the quarters of First Officer Todhunter, whose appalling behaviour in this incident must be addressed forthwith. His offences include: fraternising with a subordinate; giving extravagant and/or inappropriate gifts (e.g., a red silk dressing gown with matching underwear) to said subordinate; cavorting naked with said subordinate **\---------------------------------RIMMER IS A SMEGHEAD**

 

**II. I gave you my heart**

R: Have removed all tinsel from quarters as it offended eyes.

L: Still traumatised?  
Don’t worry. Got more, can put up after film.

R: Traumatised? Don’t know what you mean.  
More? Where?

L: Nice try, smeghead.

R: Aha  
Tinsel against Space Corps Directive 29310  
No decorations unless approved by senior officer.

L: Kryten says 29301  
Anyway, don’t care.

 

**III. I’ll give it to someone special**

L: Merry Christmas xxx  
See attachment

R: I am not embarking on your ridiculous scavenger hunt at this hour  
Not even for that  
Why can’t you be here in bed with with me on Christmas Eve like a normal person?

L: Normal is overrated.  
Don’t tell me you’re too old and feeble to come and find me.  
Grandad

R: Fine  
You’d better still be in that exact outfit and pose when I find you  
And don’t drink all the champagne.  
In fact, don’t do anything with the champagne until I get there.  
Or the bottle  
I don’t want it wasted.

L: Aye-aye Sir  
Captain  
Your Highness  
Turns you on when I call you that doesn't it?  
You should hurry though  
There’s some mice down here who’d love a bite of the mistletoe.


End file.
